About A Family...

I don't have yet.

Let's talk about the family I don't have yet. The one I'll create from scratch. The boy I'll meet one day who, when I fall in love with him, will honor me by being the father of my children. My children, who will hopefully reap the benefit of having a Mom who tried to learn to be a Woman before she had them, rather than after. I don't talk about this family much. But I think about them every day. Yes, Kasey dreams about her future...In the interest of honesty, and opening myself up, I give you one of my dreams.

I envision the kind of man that I'll want, nay, need, to spend the rest of my life with. Someone who loves me with everything they have, and allows me to love him back in the same way. Someone with whom I share a mutual respect, trust and understanding. A man who can make me laugh, make me think, and make me want to be a better person. One who dreams big dreams, like I do, while still having his feet planted firmly in reality. One who thinks the sun rises and sets in me, as I do him. I want a friend, a confidant, a partner in crime. Someone that can share in the excitement of any adventure, and the comfort of our own living room. Who wants to see the world, but also wants to build a home. A man who challenges me intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. One who respects me, but is my equal. I want someone who's compatible, but not too comfortable. I want a man who gives me everything, and gets everything in return, once I have everything to offer.

If that sounds like I'm asking a lot, so be it. If it sounds like I'm focused on what I want, it's true. Because I didn't do that the first time around. I settled into something because of immaturity, insecurity and fear. Never again will I settle. Never again will I take less than I deserve. But never again will I give someone less than THEY deserve either. I know, I've done it. And now I've spent the last few years trying to develop myself into someone worthwhile. Someone capable of being the kind girl who is worthy of being loved by an amazing boy. The kind of girl who deserves to have children who are proud that she's their mom. The kind of girl who deserves a family. I'm not there yet, I understand that. But I'm trying. And when the time comes, when I'm ready, I'll know I've done everything I can to become that person.

I will give my family everything that I have. All of me, as opposed to just the aspects I'm not scared to give out. That was all I was capable of giving in the past. My husband will get respect, kindness, understanding, loyalty, love and friendship. My children will get a mother, a teacher, a protector, and hopefully a friend. I will provide my family with everything I have ever wanted to be able to give anyone in my life. I will be fierce in my love. I will be fearless. I will be all that they deserve.

Where ever this boy is...who ever he is, hopefully he understands I've made a lot of mistakes but I'd make them ten-fold if it brought me back to him.